Valentine's Day

     Happy Valentine's Day everybody :) A lot of people hate Valentine's Day and I've noticed that mostly it is because those people don't have a significant other. However; these are the same people that end up loving Valentine's Day when they have someone to share it with. To me, this is kind of hypocritical. 

     

     I see Valentine's Day as a celebration of intimate love. To many that would mean love between a person and his/her significant other. But it can also mean intimate love with yourself. Do you really need someone to bring you flowers on Valentine's Day? No. If you want flowers, go buy yourself flowers. Do you need someone to buy you a spa package? No. Go get yourself a manipedi and a nice massage. Spend the day reading some 50 Shades of Grey. Give yourself that much needed "me" time. Spend the day loving yourself. If you're so obsessed with trying to find someone else to love you instead of loving the person you are, you might be searching a long time.

Solutions

Right now, I don't want everything to be "okay." That's what people keep telling me. "It'll be okay." I don't want things to be "okay." I don't want to wait for things to get better. I want a solution. I feel so stuck. Have you ever felt that way? Felt like you can't go anywhere? Felt like almost nothing is going in your favor? That no matter what you do to try and change things, something keeps you exactly where you don't want to be? It's a really pathetic and hopeless feeling. How do I fix it?

Mars and Venus

     Have you ever wondered how men and women can differ emotionally in complete opposite ways? My boyfriend and I will have been dating 10 months as of tomorrow. You would think that I'd have figured him out by now, but then he does something that makes me wonder.

     Lately we've been talking casually about moving in together. This would be a big step for the both of us seeing as neither of us has lived with a significant other. A few weeks ago I had made the comment that we could start looking at places once I got back from my vacation to Portland in July. He totally freaked out and said, "Let's just wait until that time comes." That was the end of the conversation. I figured, okay, this is something he doesn't want to talk about seriously right now. I'm okay with that. Like I said earlier, it's a big step. 

     Then on Tuesday night he completely threw me off. We're sitting down and he says to me, "So this guy I work with is building an apartment (or something like that) and I really trust his work. He asked me if I was interested. It'd be $1000 a month." By the way, here in Fairbanks, that's not that bad. He then proceeds to ask me, "Can you afford that?" Now I'm thinking, a couple weeks ago, you freaked out about us looking at places in JULY and it's February. At this point, I'm confused. My response was, "We'll see." I just got a new promotion and I'm getting a feel for how much I make a month.

     I started thinking that night about how different our brains and our emotions work. There's only one conclusion I could come to. That was the men work on their own terms. Or at least, my guy does. They seem to only want to be emotionally connected when they want to. If you go all emotional on them, they shut down. Maybe my man is just weird, but it seems like I still have things to figure out about him.

Change

     Change. It's kind of a funny thing. We don't really think about how things change unless we sit down and take a look at how things used to be. Sometimes we don't even know how it happens. 

     Today at work, a coworker of mine and I started talking about how I danced in high school. I told her that I used to be this extremely unconfident, annoying girl. She said to me, "Wow, I can't imagine that. You're just so outgoing I wouldn't have ever thought you weren't confident." But I was. And one man changed that, and he may never know it. Paul Winkelman, a well known choreographer in the dance world, came to Alaska to lead tryouts with my coach. He said something to us that I will never forget. "If you don't have confidence in yourself, then no one will." He told us to have self confidence, but not be arrogant. To walk with attitude and with sass. That's how you capture peoples' attention. Not by hanging your head and sulking, but by lifting your head high and knowing that you are worth it. After that, I changed.

     Not only did my dancing get better, but I started to make more friends and more guys seemed to like me than they had before. It was like everything had started over. Nothing around me had changed. I still lived in Alaska. I still went to the same school. I still had the same dance team. And I still had the same friends. I was the one who had changed and it felt amazing. And I've continued to change through the experiences I've had, the loved ones I've gained and lost, and I start to wonder. What if the me now was the me in high school. Would I have had different friends? Different grades? Different experiences? But it doesn't matter. Because everything that happens in our lives, makes us who we are today. Every day changes us. So why look behind on what happened and why it shouldn't have? Why not lift that head high, look ahead, and look how far we've come already. We all still have so much changing to do. It's never too late to start.

New Beginnings

I've decided to start over. It's a new year. A new semester. A new promotion. And that means a new blog as well. Looking back at what my last blog was like, I laugh at myself. I was so young, so naive. It doesn't mean that I'm still not young or naive. It's only been a few years. I still have much to learn. I still have so much to experience. It's time to start. Or continue, however you'd like to look at it. I call this most intriguing because that's what I got for my superlative my senior year of high school. My classmates thought I was intriguing. I still wonder why they thought that. So here, I'm going to post things that are intriguing to me, just like my classmates announced what was intriguing to them. So here's to the new year.